May 7th

May7th is a big step in my journey towards new islet cells! I will be going in to finally meet the research coordinator who I  have been really getting to know over the phone these past few months. I will also be meeting one of the doctors on the transplant team. We will be going over consent and any questions I have. This will take a few hours, and I could not be more excited! I am trying to take this process one step at a a time so I am not going to get too ahead of myself.
This study is a two year commitment and I am looking forward to all the twists and turns that may happen. It has been amazing to see how God has always put me exactly where I need to be. I have let go of my worry and anxiety and know that He will carry me down this road. This is going to be a very emotional journey in many ways. I am so blessed to have a husband who is just as excited about signing consent as I am. I have a group of supporting family and friends who will be here the entire way. I am proud to be apart of a medical team working so hard to make the lives of our generation and future generations better. Having two children I can only hope that they are not diagnosed with this, but if they are maybe it will be different. I feel like my whole life has been practice for this situation. All the medical issues and diagnosis, surgery and treatments have prepared me for one of the biggest procedures of my life!

I got a call!

So I seem to get all my updates on Fridays. Fridays are already great, so getting good new makes them that much better! All the doctors have said "yes" to move forward with me. The next step is going over the consent forms. I will be going in a few weeks to get that done. This just seems so surreal. It has not hit me that my life is already changed forever just by the journey I have been on so far. Letting the possibility in that this chronic illness could change even for a little while has made me realize that I have lived with some level of a wall built up. This opportunity has allowed me to break down those walls. And for that I am thankful.

Acceptance......

Last night on twitter there was a great discussion on acceptance. Acceptance of living with a chronic illness such as Type 1. I did not participate in the conversation but had a chance to read the questions and I would like to respond to them here. 

Q1. What are the things about living with diabetes that you accept? what are the things that you have trouble accepting?

I accept that it is something that I have to live with. I accept that I need insulin and I have to look at food a different way then other people. I have trouble accepting that it is FOREVER. There are days that  I am just "over it." I have days where I just cannot wrap my head around this being the rest of my life. Then there are days where I cannot imagine it ever not being an everyday part of my life. 

Q2.What, if any, is the danger of being too accepting about life with diabetes?

I do not think I have ever been "too" accepting. Maybe the danger would be that it is ruling you life? Maybe there is no such thing as being too accepting. 

Q3. There are a few tweets about “being too accepting of diabetes” & diabetes burnout. Do u think the 2 go hand in hand? why?

I think we are all human. I think we all have diabetes burnout, because it is hard. It is an everyday challenge. I do think being "too accepting" and burnout go hand in hand. We all go through different emotions about the disease at many different parts in our lives.

Q4.  How do you react to someone with greater/lesser level of acceptance of diabetes than yourself?

I don't really react. If they are on a greater level of acceptance then I can draw wisdom from that. If they are on a lesser level of acceptance I could only hope to help them by sharing my journey. I also believe that for me my level of acceptance changes with the roller coaster of life. There are times when I am way more accepting then other times in my life. 

Q5.  At what point did you accept that your child’s development of diabetes was not your fault? adults-when did you accept diabetes was not your fault?

I have never thought that it was my fault. I knew early on that God gave this to me for  a reason. I always felt like I could use it in my life to show other people that life is hard but you still can do great things.

Q6. Is  acceptance a one time thing, or is life with diabetes a constant cycle of acceptance?

For me it is a cycle. It has to be. I was diagnosed 12 years ago. I have gone through being a teenager, college student, wife and mother with type 1. I have not been able to go through all those stages in my life without being angry with type 1, then accepting type 1, then ignoring it. I am sure I will go though all those stages a few more times in this journey. 

I think acceptance looks very different to many different people. Right now I feel like I am not at total acceptance with my type 1. I feel like I am just tired right now. I  am always working on it. With the DOC I feel like I will have much more support then I have ever have and hopefully that will help me get back to acceptance. 

First Blog!

I want to start off by saying that this is my very first blog, so please be patient with me while I learn how all this works. I am a type 1 diabetic. I am coming up on my 12 year anniversary in May. It has been a long 12 years of up's and down's. I am on an insulin pump and have been for almost 8 years. I was 16 years old, just a few weeks shy of my 17th birthday when I was diagnosed. It was such a hard age to be hit with that news. I was a cheerleader and heading off to my senior year of high school trying to learn how to give myself shots, and check my blood sugar. I did not know another diabetic, and would not meet one until my second year of college. I felt alone, different, like an outcast. Like most teenage diabetics I was not good about taking care of things like I should. Heading off to college away from home made it even worse. I did not want to be different. I wanted to be like every other normal college girl trying to live that college experience. After a trip to the ICU I moved back home. I met my amazing husband early on in life. I believe all things happen for a reason. My husband, Jeremy's,best childhood friend happened to be type 1. The first type 1 I ever met. From the very first date he has been very involved with my type 1. Jeremy was the one that insisted I get on a pump. He helped me realize that it was okay to be different, that I could still have a great life along with checking my blood sugar and doing what I should to be healthy. We have been married for 7 years and he is still by my side everyday supporting me through every up and down that type 1 brings me.

March 14th was just like any other day. I was going to a new endocrinologist. I needed someone younger. Someone who could see me for more then a number. Someone who understood that my situation was desperate. My low blood sugars had really been getting bad. I wasn't feeling them like I used to. It was starting to scare me. I wasn't able to treat them myself. They would hit me out of nowhere. My blood sugars would just plummet for no reason. My husband travels for work and I had some scary episodes when I was home alone. There were times where I could not move. I could not get out of bed to take care of my kids. Instead of the lecture I usually get about how bad my A1c is and on and on, the new guy got it. He understood when I told him about my lows and how I purposely let my blood sugars run higher then they should so I don't get low at night when I am alone. He looked at me and what he said next changed my life. The doctor asked me if I would be interested in a clinical trial for an islet cell transplant. I had been reading about islet transplants for YEARS! To me it was something that happened in far away countries. Not the same city that I was living in!! I said YES! He gave me the contact information for the trial and I couldn't get on the phone fast enough.

After a ton of stress, phone calls, and paper work I finally heard the words I have been waiting to hear. "There is a place for you in this trial." That is what I heard on March 30, 2012. A date I will always remember. I still have a ways to go until my name is on that transplant list, but I am ready for this journey. The next step is signing consent forms. Then I will see a cardiologist, endocrinologist, kidney specialist, social worker and radiology. If I pass all of those exams, then my chart goes to a committee of 40 people and they put my name on that list. I want to share this journey with anyone who wants to come along. I know this is not a "cure" but it is an amazing opportunity to help future generations that might face this disease. I want to help find a cure. I want to make a difference.